Sunday, January 2, 2011

Woman on a Mission

I'm that person who you can come to with any issue, any dilemma, any question and I will be honest with you. I won't judge you and I won't assume that I know everything, but I will be real and honest because as my friend I think you deserve the truth. I don't believe in sugar coating because what does that really do? Sugar coating may help you to feel all warm and gooey inside, but it's short and fleeting and in the end you still feel insecure about whatever it was. I lost that part of me with the most recent guy I was seeing and it's one of my favorite parts about myself. It's one of the favorite qualities of me that my closest friends love. But for some reason I didn't show that part of me with him out of fear, insecurity, I'm not really sure. I hate that I lost part of myself again.

Those of you who have been in my life for the last two years know how much I have worked to get back to me after two break-ups that left me broken-hearted. I finally started focusing on me for the first time in ever. I was losing weight and taking part in things that I loved including volunteering and finding a new church and living life to the fullest. In the past seven months I've gotten very off track. I would love to blame it on reasons out of my control, but let's be honest. I can't control life's circumstances but I can control how I react to them. I've reacted poorly. I stopped working out, I've resorted to taking naps after work (I'm OK with the indulgence of naps on the weekends when I have nothing else to do), and I have said no to spending time with friends when normally I would never do that.

All of that has to stop and I'm working on it. I recently started counseling to delve into the pathology behind my issues, mainly self-esteem issues that have been present my entire life. I have to stop trying to save the men in my life from their past disappointments. I realize there is a theme in my past relationships and it stops with the last guy. It's time that I let a guy prove to to me that he is worth my attention and love. It's time to prove to myself that I'm worth the attention and love. It starts today and this time it will continue on for the rest of my life. I'm a woman on a mission to truly love me for me and nothing will stop me this time.

1 comment:

  1. Dont ever settle. You are worth the best life has to offer. The right man will come along, but he has to be worthy of you and you are worth nothing but greatness. I am so proud of you and the conclusion you have come to.