Friday, January 14, 2011

Big decisions

You know those decisions that have to be made, but you don't really want to make them? I've had one of those come up recently and it's caused me massive amounts of anxiety for a few reasons.
1) Selling a house in a tanked economy = a potential loss
2) Finishing up school in a year and a half means job applications and possible relocation for a job in your field.
3) Moving home during school and then facing a potential second move a year later means money
4) An internship that causes you to quit a big girl job that pays the bills causes you to reevaluate every financial decision you've ever made.

With all of that said the decision I've come to is this: I'm not moving back to WV. This decision has cost me a lot of lost sleep, tears, and fights with my self (yes I yell at myself...don't judge). I wanted to move home because I miss my family, I miss my friends, and well life events have occurred that caused me to think about why I'm not living closer to home. I am missing precious life moments of my nieces and nephews. I am missing precious moments of time spent with my beloved family and friends. However, I have to look at the big picture and that picture in reality. Even if I were to move closer to home I would still miss out on events due to work, school, and life in general. Sadly I don't get paid to be a social butterfly and therefore must maintain a real, big girl job. Living closer to home would not guarantee that I wouldn't miss out on birthdays, showers, holidays, etc. It would just mean that physically I would be closer. To be honest, I think I see my family more now than when I lived in WV. Sad, but true.

Given the economy it's just not a good time to move. Given where I'm at in life (a year and a half from graduation) it's not a good time to move. And the reasons I moved away are still valid. I wanted to find me. I wanted to find my voice away from everyone I have known since birth. I'm still on that mission. Granted, I have found me but with the curve balls life has thrown I've become a slightly meaker version of that woman. I want that verocity back and I'm working on it. I will use this year to save more money, continue on my journey of self-discovery, and figure out where I want this life to take me. If it takes me home to the hills of WV I will be thrilled, but if not I will continue to find joy in the moments that I can sneak away on those country roads to laugh with my friends, live through the memories, and love my family more than I did the day before.


  1. Some right decisions are the hardesst ones to make. In a year or so, you can re-evaluate the situation. I love you

  2. Wow I had to hold back tears, so many similarities, but so different. You want to go home and I am running away....well that would be the first time I've admitted that...gee I really need to get my ass back to counsling, too bad it's not an option right now LOL. I LOVE your blog, it's so great to read something so real Jess! Love you!