Monday, January 24, 2011

Bad decisions

I think we've all made bad decisions in life. Some people regret their bad decisions, some would rather forget them, and some choose to learn from their bad decisions. I am one of those that chooses to learn from my mistakes and bad decisions, including the decisions I've made regarding the guys that I consider significant relationships. Some of the relationships were brief, some were not. Some had great emotion attached to the relationship and others didn't. Let me explain. We'll start with my first love. We were friends, talked on and off about dating when one of us was single, finally got our shot, and we blew it. Our actual dating relationship was all of three months, but the love was there and it was five years in the making. He'll always hold a special place in my heart as most first loves do. My worst relationship was 13 months, but I wasn't in love with him. I liked him a lot and we talked about a future, but I never had the overwhelming feelings of love that I had for my first love or the most recent failure. But that relationship left the deepest wounds. I was lied to A LOT. I was cheated on. And did I mention that I was lied to A LOT? I wasn't sure I'd ever heal from that relationship. But here I am, stronger than ever. I've learned more from that one relationship than I have from all the others combined.

The last relationship was a relationship that was doomed from the beginning to be honest, but I got sucked in like I always do and refused to ignore that voice inside my head that said "You promised yourself you wouldn't date another guy fresh out of a relationship". I told that voice to shut up and that came back to bite me in the ass. But what did I learn? That I've come to realize when a guy is ready and when he's not and to tell him to hit the road if he's not. I am firm in who I am. I know what I want. I'm ready to settle down and have the life of mama and wife. I refuse to settle for less than what I deserve. Does that make me cocky? I don't think so. I think it means that I'm a strong, confident woman who realizes that she's worth fighting for when times get tough, more kisses than there are stars in the sky, and a deeper love than some will ever know. I refuse to believe that the guy for me isn't out there and until he comes along I'll keep learning from my mistakes and hoping that love is just around the corner.

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