Sunday, October 16, 2011


This one is hard to write, but blogging is my outlet and helps me to keep my sanity so it's needed. All I've ever wanted to be is a wife and mother. It's all I can remember wanting to do when I was growing up. An actual job, teaching, only came about because all I heard growing up was how important it was to get a degree and be self-sufficient. I loved watching others learn, and learning because I taught them something, but that job was chosen because it would allow me to be the type of mother I want to be. I want to be that "soccer mom". I want to be that mom that has a job, but I also want to have a great deal of time with my kids and be able to go to whatever they are participating in. Teaching would allow it. And now school counseling will allow that as well.

Not being in that role at this point in my life is incredible difficult. I thought by the time I was 25 that I would have been married, and if I wasn't already a mother one would be planned or in the works. I'm on the brink of 29 and have yet to find that person to spend my life with and start a family. And as great as everyone tries to be with what they say, the fact of the matter is this: no one has a crystal ball. No one has seen my future. No one can tell me for sure that I will get everything I want out of life. I'm not unhappy with my life in the least. I have done a great deal because I'm not tied down with family. I do enjoy dating, as tortuous as it can be at times. Having an open schedule to make plans with friends is nice. It has been incredible finding out who I truly am and what I want out of life. It's all great for now, but it's not what I want for the rest of my life.

I hope and pray every day that I get the two things I want most in this life. I cannot wait to promise forever to someone else. I cannot wait to hear the first cries of my baby, comfort them when they're sick, and watch them grow up with my husband by my side. They say good things come to those who wait and I've waited patiently this long and I sure hope that I have the time to wait longer.

1 comment:

  1. We always make these plans for ourselves, and it rarely happens they way we have it mapped out. When I was 25, I was suddenly the mother of 4 young children, and I so was not ready for it. In fact, there were times I was devestated by it. I was not a good mother because of it. I look back now, and I am ashamed of those feelings, but they were my feelings to own, and I accept that. You have a right to those feelings your having, and no one needs to tell you that you are wrong, because you arent. I am sure we all have advice for you, because of our life lessons, but only you know what you are really feeling. It will happen, I know it will. And when that time comes, your husband and children will so lucky to have you. You are amazing, dont ever forget that.