Every day I'm shuffling

I know you're singing the song in your head now. It's OK. Go ahead and take a minute to shuffle your booty around the floor while you sing, I'll wait. Feel better? I know I do. I always do after a great workout, whatever that work out may be. Granted I may be cussing whoever just handed me my ass in the workout but it's a cussing with a lot of love behind it. I'm struggling. No...change that. I'm more than struggling. I am simply here, not working out and not watching what I eat. Well I do watch what I eat as it goes into my mouth. I miss having a gym close, more than I thought I would. I didn't realize how much I enjoyed going to the gym until the option was taken away from me. I miss the natural high I got from walking into the gym, workout pants on, and stepping on that treadmill surrounded by others feeling the need for speed (and losing pounds). I miss Zumba and Centergy classes. I miss the weight machines. I miss the walking track that I'd use to cool down after an awesome cardio and weight session.

I bought a treadmill several weeks ago and I just need to get it set up. But what if I don't get that high like I got at the gym? And the biggest what if for me is this: What if I make goal weight and I'm STILL not happy with my body. What then? Maybe that's part of what keeps me from losing past a certain point? I am my own worst enemy that is for sure. I need to get past this fear. I just need to suck it up and get back on the ball, quite literally so I can get this midsection toned up. I want to fit back into my rocking cute professional clothes. I want to be able to put on a pair of damn sexy boots and strut my stuff. Now where is the hot crew of men to put my treadmill together so I can get started on all of that?

Hard

This one is hard to write, but blogging is my outlet and helps me to keep my sanity so it's needed. All I've ever wanted to be is a wife and mother. It's all I can remember wanting to do when I was growing up. An actual job, teaching, only came about because all I heard growing up was how important it was to get a degree and be self-sufficient. I loved watching others learn, and learning because I taught them something, but that job was chosen because it would allow me to be the type of mother I want to be. I want to be that "soccer mom". I want to be that mom that has a job, but I also want to have a great deal of time with my kids and be able to go to whatever they are participating in. Teaching would allow it. And now school counseling will allow that as well.

Not being in that role at this point in my life is incredible difficult. I thought by the time I was 25 that I would have been married, and if I wasn't already a mother one would be planned or in the works. I'm on the brink of 29 and have yet to find that person to spend my life with and start a family. And as great as everyone tries to be with what they say, the fact of the matter is this: no one has a crystal ball. No one has seen my future. No one can tell me for sure that I will get everything I want out of life. I'm not unhappy with my life in the least. I have done a great deal because I'm not tied down with family. I do enjoy dating, as tortuous as it can be at times. Having an open schedule to make plans with friends is nice. It has been incredible finding out who I truly am and what I want out of life. It's all great for now, but it's not what I want for the rest of my life.

I hope and pray every day that I get the two things I want most in this life. I cannot wait to promise forever to someone else. I cannot wait to hear the first cries of my baby, comfort them when they're sick, and watch them grow up with my husband by my side. They say good things come to those who wait and I've waited patiently this long and I sure hope that I have the time to wait longer.

Please forgive me...

if I fall asleep during conversations with you. It is 99.5% likely that I am not bored by what you are saying, but simply trying to adjust to this waking up at 0:dark thirty to get used to the school schedule. I'm not going to lie a bit. I have definitely taken advantage of being unemployed the last few months, which includes not going to bed until 2 or 3:00 and waking up well after 9:00 some days (and maybe a nap thrown in). Lucky for me I wake up in an annoyingly good mood regardless of the amount of sleep I've gotten so at least my mood will be in tact. I just cannot guarantee that my eyes or mind will be.

They, and by they I mean Covey and his gang, say it takes three weeks to make a habit. I only have 20 more days left to go. Pray that the little bit of sanity I have left decides to see me through this adjustment.

Getting to know me #2

In January I started posting some random tidbits about me so that you, my blog readers, would gain some insight into who I am and what I do. This is a continuation of that process to help you get to know me.

* I love the show Criminal Minds. Yes it features Shemar Moore and who couldn't love that fact alone? But it's more than that for me. I am a budding counselor. I see life situations from a different perspective than most. The person having a bad day? I often empathize with them and want to know what is going on in their life to cause them to lash out on others. The guy who just killed his wife and kids? I want to know what happened to make him murder the family he once loved and cared about. What happened in his past to make him capable of committing murder. Criminal Minds allows me to see that others think much like I do.

* My blog name, Woman on a Mission, has a very strong meaning. I am a woman on a mission. What is that mission? I want to find the real me. I want to find what it is I love to do most in this world. I want to learn as much as I can about everything. I am on a mission to live the best life that is possible for me in this world.

* Upon graduation (June 2012) I am planning a European vacation of sorts. I want to travel the world and see as much as I can before I settle down with a husband and kids, if that is in my future. What better way to start than with a backpacking adventure through the countryside of some of the most beloved countries in the world? Feel free to provide tips, places to travel, and any information that you have.

* I am much more secure in who I am than I ever have been. However, I still have my moments of insecurities. I am, and will continue to be, a work in progress in this respect. I fear that I will never be happy with how I look on the outside, and perhaps if I'm honest, it is one of the reasons why I slack off from working out. What if I get to my goal weight and I'm STILL not happy with how I look? What would all of the blood, sweat, and tears have been for then? I do not have forever though. I NEED to get this weight off for my health and for my future family. I will do it.

I must sign off for the night. 6:00 will come awfully early and want to be on top of my game for my first day of practicum tomorrow.

It's here!

The time to start my fieldwork is here. I can hardly believe that it's been two years already since I started my Masters program and that I am within eight months of obtaining my masters degree (if I survive of course). My fieldwork starts with my practicum, which is ten weeks long and requires 100 hours in the school system. I will have my own caseload of students that I will work with every week and I'm also going to be starting a psychoeducational group based off of The Seven Habits for Highly Effective Teens. I will be teaching the students better habits to be more effective in their day to day life at home and at school. The Seven Habits training that I attended several years ago was beneficial and inspirational and really helped me to learn more about myself. I hope that the experience I had will be the experience that my students have when going through this group over the next several weeks.

My internship will be next. My internship will be 23 weeks long and will require 600 hours in the school. It will be very similar to my practicum except much more intensive than the practicum. I'm so very thankful that we'll have the introductory period with the practicum. The students will get to see my face, learn my name, and hopefully know that I'm a person they will be able to trust by the time my internship starts.

On top of my practicum, I have my integrated project which is a research intensive course that requires each student to write a paper that is slightly smaller than a thesis. Research makes me very nervous because there is so much that goes into research being acceptable for educational purposes. It requires a lot of time to make sure that you are selecting information that works for your paper and is acceptable for a research project. However, my professor seems very supportive already and I think she will do what she can to help us out with our paper and research.

I cannot wait to start this time in my life and it all starts Tuesday. Here is to hoping that it is everything I hope it will be and more.