So I know that you (my loyal blog readers) know that I have body image issues. Always have, probably always will. They have been getting better though and I've really been working on my self-image the last few months through my own work and through counseling. One of the issues my counselor and I discussed was that of my parents making comments about losing weight. I knew then I needed to lose weight, but I didn't need them telling me I need to lose weight or make any kind of comments about my pants not fitting, or that I'm getting as big as the girls I said I've never be as big as, or anything of the sort. The size on my jeans shouldn't have an effect on whether or not someone considers me beautiful, and that's how I always felt.
Anyways, my counselor and I discussed having a conversation with my mama about it because I never want my nieces or nephews to feel like I did when I started putting on weight. I didn't want to have the conversation with my mama about it because I didn't want her to feel bad about comments that she's made in the past, but like my counselor and I discussed this wasn't about HER it was about ME and what I needed to do for my healing process. I finally got up the nerve to talk to her about it last night and she apologized then and said she never meant to make me feel that having extra weight meant that I was less beautiful. That was enough for me to make me feel better about it and calmed some of the crazy thoughts in my head.
They left today and not 30 minutes after they left I get this text message from her "Please forgive me for making you feel less than you are. You are one of the most beautiful women I know. Perfect in every way. I strive to be like you. I love you". Gah I'm tearing up rewriting it. It honestly was exactly what I needed to hear from her. My heart is so full right now and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders just from the conversation we had. I'm so glad that I talked to her about it.