Monday, April 25, 2011

I didn't pass out...

So my exes birthday is coming up in three days. Birthdays are a big deal to me. I just think it's a day that should be remembered and celebrated. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it and thinking "You should message him. You should tell him happy birthday". So I decided today that I was just going to do it and see what happened. I wasn't sure if he would respond or not, because well he got a not so nice email a few months back telling him everything I held back, feelings wise) while we were together (I missed him one night and the feelings were overwhelming so I needed to get it out).

Anyways, I messaged him this morning and we'ved exchanged a few texts messages back and forth now. I haven't had a meltdown. I haven't passed out. I haven't had any overwhelming feelings at all. It feels good to have a conversation with him and not have any super strong feelings one way or another, which a month ago I couldn't have said the same. Like I said in my post yesterday, I still have days where I miss him. I had a little ping of that today while we were texting, but it was nothing compared to the longing that I once felt. I don't miss him so much that it hurts anymore.

Processing with someone who is completely unbiased is something I highly recommend to everyone. I would be lying if I said there wasn't a motive behind me messaging him today instead of on the actual day of his birth. I had a therapy session today. I knew, for my own sanity, that I needed to do it today just in case I did make a downward spiral into missing him, which would inevitably turn into focusing on what went wrong and how things could have been so different. Instead, I got to revel in the bliss of my progress in therapy with my counselor. It's good to see that the goals I set for myself in my first couple sessions are coming to fruition. I am becoming the me that I've always wanted to be, and let me tell you it feels pretty darn good!

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